A Bun in the Oven..now called.. Bun(less) in the Oven

Feb 29^th 2012 isn’t so lucky afterall. It was never meant to happen. I was never meant to go.

It started about 3 weeks ago. I was having cramps, dull painful cramps and sometimes I would get sleepless nights because of the discomfort. I would say its worst than period cramps, for period cramps go away but this one just lingers on. I brushed it off as having a bloated belly or “I think I my period might be coming early this month”. A few days later, I started having slight nausea “I want to barf”, but nothing comes out. Those weeks were horrible and nights were becoming unbearable. I took Buscopan (A strong pill to relieve abdominal pain) and my man suggested that I do a pregnancy test.

I bought the home pregnancy kit the next day. At first it was only one purple bar, 3mins later a second bar showed, but the line was faint. 

Negative: Only one color band appears on the control region. No apparent band on the test region. This indicates that no pregnancy has been detected.

Positive: Distinct color bands appear on the control and test regions. Presence of both test line and control line indicate that you are pregnant. The color intensity of the test bands may vary since different stages of pregnancy have different concentrations of HCG hormone.

It was confusing. I suggested trying a 2^nd test kit and this time I bought Clear Blue’s Digital Pregnancy Kit. Came back, tore the box open, pissed, dipped and both our 4 eyes transfixed on the monitor...

PREGNANT 2-3weeks.....

I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. My man was like over the moon.  He called his mom and just to ask a few questions and at the end he told her. I was asked to see a gyne and do ultra scan for fear of Ethopic Pregnancy because of the cramps. I didn’t tell my parents, not because I’m afraid of getting my arse whipped, but I wanted to wait and see If I have a something in me. I told my brother instead (I got a long lecture).I was HAPPY.

Next day...(22^nd Feb)

  I went to a nearby Ob/Gyn clinic to see a Specialist, Dr Teo.  Dr Teo rather fiddles with his PC than talking to me. I did my ultra scan, there was nothing for it was still early...FINE...No advice was given, I had to ask. I was pissed. I grabbed my medication, paid and left.

To cut the story short.....

Mum calls...

Me: Eeeeekkkk

Mum :“When was your last period?”...blahblahblah.

She was over the Moon, like literally OVER THE MOON (Picturing dad doing a merry jig). Someone’s got a big mouth. The cramps still persisted. Did a 3^rd pregnancy test just to make sure both of us weren’t seeing things.

Even shorter....(26^th Feb)

There was spotting (Pee,wipe). Doc says it’s fine to have a little spotting. Could be Implantation Bleeding or if the flow is heavy could be either Miscarriage or Ectopic Pregnancy (Baby Centre).To be safe I placed a pad so it won’t stain.

27^th Feb

Hell broke loose. My pad, soaked to the core. I was like “What the #$%#%$#” and I bawled like a baby at 8:30am.I was devastated. My man was at work, so I called me Mum. I could tell she was upset but she gave me the encouragement not to give up. I cried till my eyes were swollen. My period just had to come .

An hour later, my man came home and I told him the news. His words were loving and encouraging. He called his mom, broke the news and told the sister who concluded that I had a Miscarriage instead of my usual period (She’s a doctor). 3 positives on the kits, so it can’t be regular period. I called back me mum to inform her news .I wished she was around so I could bawled my eyes out.

Yes! I had an early stage of Miscarriage. I guess the Implantation didn’t go so well hence the painful cramping,but I thank God it wasn't Ectopic Pregnancy.

28^th Feb 

The Miscarriage happened for a reason. I do not blame God, for he is loving and wonderful. At the end of the day with a clear mind I thought about things. What my man said was right and just maybe we’re not suppose to have this child because of both our situations.

•    We’re not married (He’s in Tawau and I’m in KL).Imagine if I'm pregnant.He won’t be able to see baby grow.
•    We don’t know what we want in our lives. We’re both fickle minded.
•       We’re both in our early 30’s but we behave like we’re still 21.
•     We love ourselves too much.
•    We both enjoy our lives being simple and hassle free.

I could go on and on, but it’s easy to decipher .It is time for us to put those childish ways behind us and behave like adults. Have a goal in life. 7yrs is one long relationship, what’s the next step? Bringing up a child is not like bringing up a puppy. What a child needs is to be raised in an atmosphere of love and goodwill.  I said I was Happy when I knew I was going to be a Mommy, but maybe Deep down someone knew I wasn't ready.

This pregnancy was planned and not a mistake. If I were to get pregnant, we would get married, but I guess I have to go through the old fashion way of getting married before pregnancy. Time will come when all is well.

P/S: Sorry Best Friend. I know I tell you everything, but this time I don't want to trouble you and drive you insanely worried. Will tell you when I see you. Muaks

Wed 29th Lucky Leap Year

Hello!!!, Yes! I'm very much alive but I'm putting my writing on hold till the 29th. Yes! what's happening on the 29th, something good,something Really GOOD (Praying for Good Awesome News)..I so want it to be GOOD:} and It's a Leap Year for Feb 2012..Lucky (Praying hard)

Cheerios then:}

(I'm hungry...)

Book Review - Dracula The Undead and Piercing

Title : Dracula The Un-dead

 Written by : Dacre Stoker (Great Grand Nephew of Bram Stoker) and Ian Holt.

Short synopsis:  Quincey Harker, son of Jonathan and Mina, having left his law studies for the stage, stumbles upon the troubled production of Dracula at the Lyceum, directed by Bram Stoker himself. The play plunges Quincey into a world of his parents’ terrible secrets.

 For twenty-five years since Van-Helsing and his allies reduce Dracula to dust, evil stalks Europe once again. One by one the band of heroes is being hunted down.Has Dracula somehow survived to seek his revenge? Or is there another, more sinister force at work?....

Finally, I’m done with this book. I must have skipped a few pages here and there just because it was so draggy. If it’s a good book 3 days max. If it’s crap I don’t even know. Sometimes I’ll just put it aside, but I’ll try not to turn it into a habit of not finishing a book even though it’s Crap.

I personally don’t like this book at all. The book Dracula is one of the Greatest Love Story and it should end that way its suppose to end. Dracula Un-dead brings Dracula back from the dead and throws in one crazy lesbian blood sucking bitch by the name of Countess Elizabeth Bathory. (Hungarian crazy bitch known to have killed over 100-200 girls for their blood. Blood = elixir of youth and beauty). Maybe I should go purchase her autobiography. She seems to be one interesting character...

Boing boing boing...Okay so Mina doesn’t age; Jonathan is an Alcoholic and their son Quincey who so happens to be........well I don’t want no spoilers here :}...

Title : Piercing (Psychological thriller)

Author : Ryu Murakami

Length : 185 pages

While waiting for dinner to arrive, I started on a new book.

Synopsis : Kawashima Masayuki is a successful graphic designer living in Tokyo with his loving wife Yoko and their healthy baby girl.Outwardly, their lives are a picture of happiness and contentment.
Every night, however, Kawashima creeps from his bed and watches over the baby's crib while his wife sleeps.But this is no ordinary domestic scene. As he stands gazing at his little girl, Kawashima has an ice-pick in his hand and almost has a desire to use it.Kawashima decides to confront his demons, and sets into a motion of uncontrollable chain of events seeming to lead inexorably to murder...

This novel solely focuses on Kawashima and another character,a girl name Chiaki. She is also haunted by the demons of her past. Both of them come from abused families. Kawashima,tortured by his mother and Chiaki,raped by her step-father. I'm not going into details, but this books is pretty good if you like psychological thriller and Kawashima's character.....he reminds me of Norman Bates Psycho:]..

I'm Hella Cheap

Mum: Don’t buy anymore bags online. The workmanship is not good.

So, I told me mum, you get a branded bag how great is the workman ship anyways. You’re just paying for the brand name. Your Gucci bag lining has melted inside due to our humid weather and besides it’s not like at the end of the day you’re going to enter the pearly gates of heaven with it.

As long as it functionable and it doesn’t hurt my wallet; I’m happy. Let’s face it I’m CHEAP. I like flea markets (Amcorp mall weekend flea market.Good buys,good deals) and 2^nd hand stores. I doesn’t bother me if its 2^nd hand. Even if it does belong to some dead person, I’m sure the person won’t come and haunt the living daylights out of me “Hey you, give me back my bag and my top..ohh and those pants”..Bah!!Now that would be funny.

Oh :}, I just ordered some vintage jewellery” AGAIN”.I LIKE....

Compassion for strays

I made one very special dog happy yesterday. The Lamb bones/fats  from our Valentines dinner were kept for a dog which I came across while having dinner. She was mangy, malnourished and hopping on 3 legs. (To find a vet in Tawau is like finding a needle in a haystack. You can forget about animal shelters as well) She survives on scraps from the people dining at the restaurant (That’s if they feed her,but I doubt so)

Since it was a waste to throw the bones&fats, why not just boil it into broth. I boiled the bones until it turned slightly soft and threw in ½ of rice. The broth was thick and it smelled good. I had a taste of the broth and it was delicious. I packed the food into a container and off we went for dinner. I spotted her as soon as we arrived. She was waiting for food. It was hard at 1^st for I didn’t want to mess up someone’s front entrance. Soon, she hobbled into a dark corner and it was my chance to feed her and so I did.

 I left the food and went back to my table looking from a distance. She was gobbling down her food like she was starving for days (And I bet she was)Not a speck of grain was left.She was happy.She came looking for me,but I was nowhere to be seen by her.I saw her,I saw her eyes and she was happy.I feed the strays around our area every now and then. Why waste unless its gone BAD.

I have more compassion for animals than for human beings unless the person is born retarded. Comprende?

Air Gear

Episodes: 1-25 + Ova

Rating: 5/10

Manga Artist: Ito Ogure

A Shonen Manga turned Anime; Air Trek revolves around the life of Itsuki Minami “Ikki” also known as “Baby Face” or “LiL Crow”, and his fellow friends. The story follows their use of  “AT’s” know as Air Treks (Rollerblades with serious  attitude)..As story progresses with challenges , it focuses on their roles as becoming Storm Riders and their Goal is to Conquer the top of Trophaeum Tower  ...

The 1^st few episodes leave you wanting to continue. Middle part is very intensifying and towards the end I just wanted it to finish. It gets a draggy towards the end. Love the Soundtrack.SKA Music..Don’t think I’ll rewatch this. I do like the funny bits though...

I don’t even want to mention the OVA. I just fast forwarded..humm

He Drives Me Crazy

Dear Mofo : Last week you placed two cokes in the freezer and it combusted (Because you fell asleep..Fine...).Once Again, you’ve place your @%&^ coke in the freezer .Mofo, if you want to drink chilled coke just place it below or buy some @%^&  ice. Dude!! Are You STUPID!!!.You learn shit like this in Highschool science.

This dude whom I’ve nicknamed “Domestic Prince” – He rules the kitchen for he’s the only that cooks and fucks up the kitchen and fridge.  He never washes after the eats. Dude, you didn’t cook up a storm so wash your damn plates. He doesn’t use a lid to cover when he cooks, so basically the cooking stove and the floor will be covered in oil splatters. The coke incident left me and my boy to clean. F*cker has never once laid a finger in defrosting/cleaning the fridge. Now that I’m here I make sure I do my part after I cook. The cleaner comes twice a week, but if the kitchen is a sight for sore eyes, I’ll clean. Talk about OCD...I can't help myself.

I know I shouldn’t care so much because it’s a common kitchen/fridge. I’m living in a shop lot (Revamped) with 4 other people excluding us. I’m fine with 3 other people for they only step into the kitchen to throw their rubbish and they never cook. Peace

All The Love in the World

It’s Valentine’s Day *gets all fluttery*. So basically, Valentines is a day to celebrate and appreciate love. Lovers, husbands, wives and friends get all fluttery on this day, exchanging gifts, splurging on romantic dinners, showering each another with extra affection, putting aside their iphones/ipads/tabs on this special day to communicate. ........................What happens then the next day and so forth, all affection cease to exist?

For me, Valentines is every day. I don’t need material things to make me happy nor saying I Love You every day just to put a 100 watt smile on my face. All I want is a relationship filled with respect, honesty and truthfulness. For toppings, to grow old together and still enjoy each other’s company (that includes driving each other insane, doing mad Mad things together, communicating, everything sugar and spice). It’s not easy, but nothing is. They’ll be of ups and downs. Let’s not take the people around you for granted. Celebrate LOVE EVERYDAY :}.

"Trust is involved in all the basic elements of a healthy relationship: namely, love (respect and consideration for another person), communication, commitment and honesty." 

Harold Duarte-Bernhardt

Cooking something a lil extra special for him + it’s his off day:} (He likes getting his hands dirty,so I’ll make him chop the garlic/onions and mash me potatoes)

I’ve prepared marinated lamb chops in the fridge.

(Dinner will be Lamb Chops, Mashies, Butter Garlic Broccoli and Corn and Cream of Chicken Soup:}.) For dessert, ummm some Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet Lovingggggggggg..

(I would like to say ThankQ to my Best Friend, My Family, My other Family (Bf’s side), Friends and Specially to God. Thank You So Much for being there, lending me a shoulder to cry on, supporting, advising & encouraging me to be strong. Without each and every one of you, I’ll probably falter.  Thank You for your Prayers. ThankQ So Much.)

Merciful Father, I turned away from you, but you never left me. I crawled back to you when I hit rock bottom but you stood there beside me telling me everything is going to be okay. I am grateful to you for everything.Thank You)

Happy Valentine’s Day Every One..

Of Nasi Kuning and Tawau.

Woke up early to go to the market (Gawd I feel auntie-ish).Bought paper and lunch.Came back to clean me some prawns for tonight's dinner  I don't mind getting my hands dirty cleaning chicken pieces,but cleaning seafood is revolting. Those beady eyes looking at me as I decapitate its head and you get this gooey stuff spewing from its head. Deveining is just as bad. Urghhhh!!!

Veggie Spring Rolls,Nasi Kuning and Lemon iced tea (Lemon Teh Ping.It's LEMONS all the way. Back home in KL,Lime is all you get)

Nasi Kuning is an Indonesian rice dish cooked in coconut milk and tumeric (hence the colour). It is usually served at special events as a symbol of good fortune wealth and dignity.It's like a pot of gold.Usually it's served with side dishes of shredded omelette,tempeh,potatoe fritters, fried chicken,fish,e.t.c. 

  But in Tawau, you can find Nasi Kuning is most malay restaurants. I bought mine from a sweet lil old lady for RM 2. She had Chicken,Fish and Hard Boiled Eggs. I picked the Boiled Egg for it's easier to eat and she tops the rice with Serundeng (relish of grated coconut and spices). Yum!!

Lunch's Done!!

It's a good day to take a stroll in Tawau town,but I'm LAZY. It's not like I've never been here, but you don't get this kind of cloudy weather everyday. Most days it is just SUN and it's HOT.But then again, it's Tawau.There's nothing to do here. 

There's only One Cinema,The Mall is Dead,Book stores which sells no English Novels,The Giant Hypermarket is Pathetic,The 1st Macdonalds outlet will be opening soon,Green forests turned into Oil Palm estates ( but you do get lush greens in the outskirts.Good Trekking spots),Gateway to Semporna = Dive/Beach Spots,Seafood is Dirt Cheap and you only get 90 days travel permit which I find PATHETIC.Even more PATHETIC,if you want to work here you need to get yourself a Working Visa.I'm Malaysian and it's very Insulting. I don't have "Illegal Immigrant/Foreigner stamped on my forehead.

I brought ample of books and Dvd's to occupy myself.

 View from the Room

Mission Green Tea Ice-Cream...FAIL

Two days back I tried my hands at making green tea ice-cream. I tasted this fab green tea ice-cream “supposedly made from scratch” from a Japanese Restaurant which we frequent. Why make green tea ice-cream when you can buy it off the shelves? Well, where I’m currently residing (Temporary) in a back dated town,.......Green Tea Ice Cream does not EXSISTS!! . .....

 So I followed this 5min quick and easy Ice-Cream tutorial from You Tube. Went shopping for the main ingredient which is Heavy Cream but ended up buying Nestle Cream in a can (Empty can into a jug and stir in fresh milk until you get the thickness you require). There was another cream in the fridge, “Whipping cream” (Should have asked the lady for guidance).

Got the ingredients ready...

 I didn't use green tea powder. I had tea bags instead ( I should cut the bag and remove the tea instead).Poured the milk and the cream and whisked it to glory. Should be easier using a blender (But I don't own a blender)

Somehow or rather,it just looked watery.The consistency should be thicker.Hoping for a miracle...

Dang, It turned out ROCK SOLID.Like literally you can throw and kill someone with it..*Sigh*. Remind myself to use Heavy Cream the next time and maybe watch a better you tube video!!

The Itchy & Scratchy Me..

I feel like a mangy dog whose skin is covered with sores and blisters. I’m having a really bad case of skin allergy in form of hives and I’ve been scratching like crazy. Since last month and lately its gotten worst.

Hives are raised,often itchy red welt on the surface of the skin.They are usually an allergic reaction to food or medicine.The Hives may get bigger,spread and join together to form larger areas of flat, raised skin)

Many substance can trigger Hives, including:

Animal Dander (especially cats) = I'm Pet-less (Although I do want a pet

Insect Bites : Nope

Medications : Nope ( but I do take my supplements)

Pollen :?? Noooooooooo

Shellfish,Fish,Eggs,Nuts Milk,Gluten and other foods : Chances are there,but I know I’m not allergic to nuts, seafood, bread, eggs, milk e.t.c but one thing for sure I LOVE GARLIC.

I cook at home and I LOVE my food with loads of garlic. Garlic in veg, garlic this garlic that, Garlic Pills.Basically I just reek of Garlic. Possible, but there are days I don’t touch them and still I get them. Another possibility, WATER. 

It’s called Urticaria (a rare form of hive caused by exposure of the skin to water, strong chlorinated water). Sometimes my fingers get so itchy,I feel like dipping them in hot water (Tawau water is HIGHLY TOXIC)and so happens, I’m not the only one who got the itch.

Whatever it is, I do not plan to see a Skin Specialist. Leeches!#@!#. 

I paid a visit to a Skin Specialist once (So called renowned) and all he said was “Well you’re allergic to something, could be food, this n that blah blah”. I was expecting for some test to be done, but NO, he slapped me with a RM 150 bill for consultation (Even a retard can explain) a bag of anti histamines and a small tub of steroid cream. Bah!!!

Now, whenever I want Medication, especially for cases like this or that, I’ll just ask B to buy them at the pharmacy or write me a prescription (but then I don’t get a discount).

I feel much better now with Cetirizin Stada in my bloodstream.I find creams don’t work as well as tablets, but then in my case I’ve severe hives so it varies on the allergy.

If I were to be a superhero I would call myself Hive Girl. My powers would be spreading Itch ....hmmmm

 Inflamed and Itchy

Drugs, Glorious Drugs

Accessorizing AliS0n

I’ve finally chosen 3 bags for myself and the total damage for 3 bags RM 173.00 (including postage). So that’s done and I’m very happy (Actually, It’s suppose to be 7, but 3 ran out of stock. This is what happens when you don’t update your stock count /online).I shan’t complain too much, I’m satisfied.

Now, I’ve started shopping for accessories (Rings, Necklaces, Bracelets e.t.c). I’ve chosen 12 items (Excluding earrings for I have Fat earlobes) and the damage is RM 164.31 after discount (Super buy) and this shopping/buying online spree is addictive(I'm such a late bloomer) I’m giving clothing a skip. Most of these fashion blogs don’t cater for Large Girls. Even if they do, your grandmother will not be caught dead wearing them. Only goes to show that it’s better used as a foot rug. It's like large people don't exists in Malaysia.

Most of these fashion blogs cater to stick insects/Karen Carpenter worshippers. The term FREE SIZE is overly used. It all depends on the cutting. If it’s the stretchy type it might probably fit unless I'm morbidly obese. But nevertheless looking like a dumpling is a BIG NO NO even if it says free size...Sad sad

Here’s teddy!!

Teddy looking all Pretty

(Some accessories I bought from a Crystal Shop. I burned RM 22 for 4 items which is rather expensive)

A Fashion Story : http://www.a-fashion-story.com/ (Awesome Accessories)

Anna Syue : http://annasyue.blogspot.com/ (Love the Handbags)

Love Bag :http://www.lovebaglovebag.com/ (Love Bag)

Yes, Good things always gets snag up.

I want bags,BIG BAGS

I’ve been glued to the pc for more than 3hrs just browsing through fashion blogs looking for Big Tote Bags (which can easily fit a bowling ball). I adore big tote bags and now bucket bags (Although I carry very limited items), I just like them BIG, so I can throw in stuff. The Girly side of me is screaming to come out :}.

I stumble upon a few good blogs which has BAGS labelled on their description (Or else it will take me forever) and whenever I go ‘OOooo I like this one’ (....scrolls to the bottom......)...Arghhhhh!@#@

 “SOLD OUT” highlighted in RED. If it’s “SOLD” and you’re not going to restock them anymore then bloody hell remove the picture already. It’s so Anticlimax. 

So far bag hunting is frustrating. Some blogs are not updated. Dead or alive the only way is to send a request for my product and wait for a reply. I have narrowed down a few websites which has quite awesome bags. The price ranges about RM 40-RM70 ish. They’re not designer handbags, but they look good that’s all that matters. Fingers Crossed. 

Should I get some accessories (Rings,bracelets e.t.c.) as well?. *Drool*

I've officially deleted my old Blog due to the fact that it has a lot of junk and 2011 wasn’t an awesome year for me (Nope, no one died) .I guess I’ll start afresh with a new 2012 blog (Less junk maybe, but I’m pretty unpredictable. We’ll see).So Yay!!