Good question,Why?

It is not an easy task to Let Go of the things which make a person sad.

You can Forgive,but you can't Forget.

It embeds at the back of your mind,surfacing when tragedy or argument strikes.

You try not to bring up the subject,but when temper flares,everything just seems to flow.

I try not to bring up the matter. It is in the past.

I talked to my Bestie.She reminds me..

It's always good to talk to a friend when you're feeling a emotionally fucked.

 

Hope is a Wonderful Thing

What Malaysia Needs Now is

New Year's Resolution -2013

Another 10 more days till 2013.  What's your New Year Resolution??.Puffftttt!!!
I've been browsing through blogs and facebook,
People posting their New Year's Resolutions.
"Oooo I wanna make more money" OooOoo I wanna take over the world"..blahblahblah
I for one have None.I do not need written down goals to commit.

All I can say is that I'm blessed to be Alive,living my life each and everyday.

This is my shortest blog eva..

I'm in a Christmassy Mood..
I'm going Home tomorrow...
I'm sooo Happppyyyy..

Merry Christmas Everyone, Happy Holidays & Happy New Year

Death is Just Life's Next Big Adventure

Death must be so beautiful. To lie in the soft brown earth, with the grasses waving above one’s head, and listen to silence. to have no yesterday, and no tomorrow. To forget time, to forgive life, to be at peace.

written by Oscar Wilde

Why is the topic of Death such a taboo.From an Asian perspective it's a big NoNo to talk about death or anything related to Death. There's no Advert showcasing the latest TeakWood Coffin or the best Funeral Home to have your wake service (other than Church for Christians)
Sooner or later we're all going to meet our maker, just that we don't know when.Young or old,tragic or peaceful,we're all going to push daisies.

I'm not morbid and I do not sit all day and thinking about death. I brought up the subject because after getting married there's a lot of subjects to be brought out and death is one of them..I told my hubs that I wanted to take a nice pic,get a pair of designer shoes (It won't fit anyways since the feet swells),doll me up well and the most important please place my stinky pillow together.I still haven't thought about whether to be buried or cremated. If buried, I don't want my body to be dug up 30yrs down the road and thrown somewhere just because there's not enough land (Singapore's digging up the dead for land) or I could buy a condo and place me urn there, but seriously who's going to visit me in the end??Haa might as well just scatter my ashes from a hill and let the wind carry me off.

I seriously swear that burying the dead is costly. Where's the best place,what is the best solution,anything cheaper???LOL..Even a friggin urn is pricey moreover a coffin..How's about those cute cookie jars???.If I have children,I don't want to rely on them too much.

At the end Honey..

Try not to depend on me too much and I will do the same.If we both grow old together,whoever goes 1st carry on with life. If you were to go 1st,come and get me will ya..I've l

Real Cloisonné Rosary

A gift from my "Future" Mother In-Law.It is a Real Cloisonné Beaded Rosary.

(Cloisonne is a form of enamelware where the enamel paste is contained within compartments or "cloisons" of wire. Often of silver or gold, the wires remain visible on the finished article, threading between areas of colour). 

It is a Beautiful and Thoughtful Gift, a gift definitely worth more than all the riches in this world .It will make a wonderful heirloom.

A Bun in the Oven..now called.. Bun(less) in the Oven

Feb 29^th 2012 isn’t so lucky afterall. It was never meant to happen. I was never meant to go.

It started about 3 weeks ago. I was having cramps, dull painful cramps and sometimes I would get sleepless nights because of the discomfort. I would say its worst than period cramps, for period cramps go away but this one just lingers on. I brushed it off as having a bloated belly or “I think I my period might be coming early this month”. A few days later, I started having slight nausea “I want to barf”, but nothing comes out. Those weeks were horrible and nights were becoming unbearable. I took Buscopan (A strong pill to relieve abdominal pain) and my man suggested that I do a pregnancy test.

I bought the home pregnancy kit the next day. At first it was only one purple bar, 3mins later a second bar showed, but the line was faint. 

Negative: Only one color band appears on the control region. No apparent band on the test region. This indicates that no pregnancy has been detected.

Positive: Distinct color bands appear on the control and test regions. Presence of both test line and control line indicate that you are pregnant. The color intensity of the test bands may vary since different stages of pregnancy have different concentrations of HCG hormone.

It was confusing. I suggested trying a 2^nd test kit and this time I bought Clear Blue’s Digital Pregnancy Kit. Came back, tore the box open, pissed, dipped and both our 4 eyes transfixed on the monitor...

PREGNANT 2-3weeks.....

I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. My man was like over the moon.  He called his mom and just to ask a few questions and at the end he told her. I was asked to see a gyne and do ultra scan for fear of Ethopic Pregnancy because of the cramps. I didn’t tell my parents, not because I’m afraid of getting my arse whipped, but I wanted to wait and see If I have a something in me. I told my brother instead (I got a long lecture).I was HAPPY.

Next day...(22^nd Feb)

  I went to a nearby Ob/Gyn clinic to see a Specialist, Dr Teo.  Dr Teo rather fiddles with his PC than talking to me. I did my ultra scan, there was nothing for it was still early...FINE...No advice was given, I had to ask. I was pissed. I grabbed my medication, paid and left.

To cut the story short.....

Mum calls...

Me: Eeeeekkkk

Mum :“When was your last period?”...blahblahblah.

She was over the Moon, like literally OVER THE MOON (Picturing dad doing a merry jig). Someone’s got a big mouth. The cramps still persisted. Did a 3^rd pregnancy test just to make sure both of us weren’t seeing things.

Even shorter....(26^th Feb)

There was spotting (Pee,wipe). Doc says it’s fine to have a little spotting. Could be Implantation Bleeding or if the flow is heavy could be either Miscarriage or Ectopic Pregnancy (Baby Centre).To be safe I placed a pad so it won’t stain.

27^th Feb

Hell broke loose. My pad, soaked to the core. I was like “What the #$%#%$#” and I bawled like a baby at 8:30am.I was devastated. My man was at work, so I called me Mum. I could tell she was upset but she gave me the encouragement not to give up. I cried till my eyes were swollen. My period just had to come .

An hour later, my man came home and I told him the news. His words were loving and encouraging. He called his mom, broke the news and told the sister who concluded that I had a Miscarriage instead of my usual period (She’s a doctor). 3 positives on the kits, so it can’t be regular period. I called back me mum to inform her news .I wished she was around so I could bawled my eyes out.

Yes! I had an early stage of Miscarriage. I guess the Implantation didn’t go so well hence the painful cramping,but I thank God it wasn't Ectopic Pregnancy.

28^th Feb 

The Miscarriage happened for a reason. I do not blame God, for he is loving and wonderful. At the end of the day with a clear mind I thought about things. What my man said was right and just maybe we’re not suppose to have this child because of both our situations.

•    We’re not married (He’s in Tawau and I’m in KL).Imagine if I'm pregnant.He won’t be able to see baby grow.
•    We don’t know what we want in our lives. We’re both fickle minded.
•       We’re both in our early 30’s but we behave like we’re still 21.
•     We love ourselves too much.
•    We both enjoy our lives being simple and hassle free.

I could go on and on, but it’s easy to decipher .It is time for us to put those childish ways behind us and behave like adults. Have a goal in life. 7yrs is one long relationship, what’s the next step? Bringing up a child is not like bringing up a puppy. What a child needs is to be raised in an atmosphere of love and goodwill.  I said I was Happy when I knew I was going to be a Mommy, but maybe Deep down someone knew I wasn't ready.

This pregnancy was planned and not a mistake. If I were to get pregnant, we would get married, but I guess I have to go through the old fashion way of getting married before pregnancy. Time will come when all is well.

P/S: Sorry Best Friend. I know I tell you everything, but this time I don't want to trouble you and drive you insanely worried. Will tell you when I see you. Muaks

Compassion for strays

I made one very special dog happy yesterday. The Lamb bones/fats  from our Valentines dinner were kept for a dog which I came across while having dinner. She was mangy, malnourished and hopping on 3 legs. (To find a vet in Tawau is like finding a needle in a haystack. You can forget about animal shelters as well) She survives on scraps from the people dining at the restaurant (That’s if they feed her,but I doubt so)

Since it was a waste to throw the bones&fats, why not just boil it into broth. I boiled the bones until it turned slightly soft and threw in ½ of rice. The broth was thick and it smelled good. I had a taste of the broth and it was delicious. I packed the food into a container and off we went for dinner. I spotted her as soon as we arrived. She was waiting for food. It was hard at 1^st for I didn’t want to mess up someone’s front entrance. Soon, she hobbled into a dark corner and it was my chance to feed her and so I did.

 I left the food and went back to my table looking from a distance. She was gobbling down her food like she was starving for days (And I bet she was)Not a speck of grain was left.She was happy.She came looking for me,but I was nowhere to be seen by her.I saw her,I saw her eyes and she was happy.I feed the strays around our area every now and then. Why waste unless its gone BAD.

I have more compassion for animals than for human beings unless the person is born retarded. Comprende?

All The Love in the World

It’s Valentine’s Day *gets all fluttery*. So basically, Valentines is a day to celebrate and appreciate love. Lovers, husbands, wives and friends get all fluttery on this day, exchanging gifts, splurging on romantic dinners, showering each another with extra affection, putting aside their iphones/ipads/tabs on this special day to communicate. ........................What happens then the next day and so forth, all affection cease to exist?

For me, Valentines is every day. I don’t need material things to make me happy nor saying I Love You every day just to put a 100 watt smile on my face. All I want is a relationship filled with respect, honesty and truthfulness. For toppings, to grow old together and still enjoy each other’s company (that includes driving each other insane, doing mad Mad things together, communicating, everything sugar and spice). It’s not easy, but nothing is. They’ll be of ups and downs. Let’s not take the people around you for granted. Celebrate LOVE EVERYDAY :}.

"Trust is involved in all the basic elements of a healthy relationship: namely, love (respect and consideration for another person), communication, commitment and honesty." 

Harold Duarte-Bernhardt

Cooking something a lil extra special for him + it’s his off day:} (He likes getting his hands dirty,so I’ll make him chop the garlic/onions and mash me potatoes)

I’ve prepared marinated lamb chops in the fridge.

(Dinner will be Lamb Chops, Mashies, Butter Garlic Broccoli and Corn and Cream of Chicken Soup:}.) For dessert, ummm some Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet Lovingggggggggg..

(I would like to say ThankQ to my Best Friend, My Family, My other Family (Bf’s side), Friends and Specially to God. Thank You So Much for being there, lending me a shoulder to cry on, supporting, advising & encouraging me to be strong. Without each and every one of you, I’ll probably falter.  Thank You for your Prayers. ThankQ So Much.)

Merciful Father, I turned away from you, but you never left me. I crawled back to you when I hit rock bottom but you stood there beside me telling me everything is going to be okay. I am grateful to you for everything.Thank You)

Happy Valentine’s Day Every One..