A Bun in the Oven..now called.. Bun(less) in the Oven

Feb 29^th 2012 isn’t so lucky afterall. It was never meant to happen. I was never meant to go.

It started about 3 weeks ago. I was having cramps, dull painful cramps and sometimes I would get sleepless nights because of the discomfort. I would say its worst than period cramps, for period cramps go away but this one just lingers on. I brushed it off as having a bloated belly or “I think I my period might be coming early this month”. A few days later, I started having slight nausea “I want to barf”, but nothing comes out. Those weeks were horrible and nights were becoming unbearable. I took Buscopan (A strong pill to relieve abdominal pain) and my man suggested that I do a pregnancy test.

I bought the home pregnancy kit the next day. At first it was only one purple bar, 3mins later a second bar showed, but the line was faint. 

Negative: Only one color band appears on the control region. No apparent band on the test region. This indicates that no pregnancy has been detected.

Positive: Distinct color bands appear on the control and test regions. Presence of both test line and control line indicate that you are pregnant. The color intensity of the test bands may vary since different stages of pregnancy have different concentrations of HCG hormone.

It was confusing. I suggested trying a 2^nd test kit and this time I bought Clear Blue’s Digital Pregnancy Kit. Came back, tore the box open, pissed, dipped and both our 4 eyes transfixed on the monitor...

PREGNANT 2-3weeks.....

I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. My man was like over the moon.  He called his mom and just to ask a few questions and at the end he told her. I was asked to see a gyne and do ultra scan for fear of Ethopic Pregnancy because of the cramps. I didn’t tell my parents, not because I’m afraid of getting my arse whipped, but I wanted to wait and see If I have a something in me. I told my brother instead (I got a long lecture).I was HAPPY.

Next day...(22^nd Feb)

  I went to a nearby Ob/Gyn clinic to see a Specialist, Dr Teo.  Dr Teo rather fiddles with his PC than talking to me. I did my ultra scan, there was nothing for it was still early...FINE...No advice was given, I had to ask. I was pissed. I grabbed my medication, paid and left.

To cut the story short.....

Mum calls...

Me: Eeeeekkkk

Mum :“When was your last period?”...blahblahblah.

She was over the Moon, like literally OVER THE MOON (Picturing dad doing a merry jig). Someone’s got a big mouth. The cramps still persisted. Did a 3^rd pregnancy test just to make sure both of us weren’t seeing things.

Even shorter....(26^th Feb)

There was spotting (Pee,wipe). Doc says it’s fine to have a little spotting. Could be Implantation Bleeding or if the flow is heavy could be either Miscarriage or Ectopic Pregnancy (Baby Centre).To be safe I placed a pad so it won’t stain.

27^th Feb

Hell broke loose. My pad, soaked to the core. I was like “What the #$%#%$#” and I bawled like a baby at 8:30am.I was devastated. My man was at work, so I called me Mum. I could tell she was upset but she gave me the encouragement not to give up. I cried till my eyes were swollen. My period just had to come .

An hour later, my man came home and I told him the news. His words were loving and encouraging. He called his mom, broke the news and told the sister who concluded that I had a Miscarriage instead of my usual period (She’s a doctor). 3 positives on the kits, so it can’t be regular period. I called back me mum to inform her news .I wished she was around so I could bawled my eyes out.

Yes! I had an early stage of Miscarriage. I guess the Implantation didn’t go so well hence the painful cramping,but I thank God it wasn't Ectopic Pregnancy.

28^th Feb 

The Miscarriage happened for a reason. I do not blame God, for he is loving and wonderful. At the end of the day with a clear mind I thought about things. What my man said was right and just maybe we’re not suppose to have this child because of both our situations.

•    We’re not married (He’s in Tawau and I’m in KL).Imagine if I'm pregnant.He won’t be able to see baby grow.
•    We don’t know what we want in our lives. We’re both fickle minded.
•       We’re both in our early 30’s but we behave like we’re still 21.
•     We love ourselves too much.
•    We both enjoy our lives being simple and hassle free.

I could go on and on, but it’s easy to decipher .It is time for us to put those childish ways behind us and behave like adults. Have a goal in life. 7yrs is one long relationship, what’s the next step? Bringing up a child is not like bringing up a puppy. What a child needs is to be raised in an atmosphere of love and goodwill.  I said I was Happy when I knew I was going to be a Mommy, but maybe Deep down someone knew I wasn't ready.

This pregnancy was planned and not a mistake. If I were to get pregnant, we would get married, but I guess I have to go through the old fashion way of getting married before pregnancy. Time will come when all is well.

P/S: Sorry Best Friend. I know I tell you everything, but this time I don't want to trouble you and drive you insanely worried. Will tell you when I see you. Muaks